Our Story - Part 2

Shaun and I decided to tell our families our good news when I was 6 weeks along. I bought white onsies and bibs and painted things on them such as 'I heart my Grammie' and 'I heart Gigi and Gramps.' We decided to tell our family at my birthday celebration. We told everyone we had favors for them and gave them the little bags full of baby blessings. When they were opened and everyone realized what we were announcing, my mom and grandma we super excited. Everyone else was happy or us, too, but dinner happened to be going on during an OU football game so everyone else responded something like, "Oh, congrats. What yard line did he get to?" :)

I called and set up my first of many, many prenatal appointments. I was 8 weeks along by the time I saw my doctor. I guess because it was early on they did not measure me or try to find a heart beat. I spoke with my doctor about my fears. Up until this point in my life I had witnessed friends, family, and aquaintances lose baby after baby. I truly beieved that women didn't just get pregnant and have healty babies. I was terrified that I, like every other expectant mom I had known, would lose my baby. My doctor was kind, but didn't ease my fears any. I remember the last words he said as I left the room, "Your biggest goal now is to get to 12 weeks. After then, your chances of miscarriage go way down." He may as well have said I needed to get to 12 years. I was terrified and began preparing myself for bad news down the road.

The next couple weeks were difficult. My pants had stopped fitting within a week after finding out I was expecting. Shaun kept telling me it was all in my head, but in hindsight we know it was true! We eventually told all our friends and family. But secretly I was paralyzed by anxiety and waiting for tragedy. It feels so odd now to have thought that way, but in my world, at that time, loss seemed inevitable. Truthfully, up until a few moments after I delivered the girls that I began to believe they would make it.

Anyways, I had scheduled my first ultrasound for the same day as my 12 week appointment, but before I saw my doctor. I was completely prepared for what was going to happen that day (or what I thought was going to happen). This was the day that I had built up in my mind to be the day that I found out I had lost my baby. I was as prepared as anyone can possibly be who hasn't experienced that. The sweet ultrasound tech called us in, got my belly all jellied up, and joyfully spoke the most unexpected words. Words that have forever changed my life: "Alright, let's look at your baby...or babies."

The next few seconds are a blur. I remember Shaun, who had been standing right beside me, fell back against a wall. I remember looking at him and saying, "She's joking right? She says that to everyone, right?"

No, she doesn't.

Our ultrasound tech, having realized that she wasn't the last to figure this out nor had she misread the chart, but instead just told us about our double blessings said, "Oh, boy! You didn't already know you were having twins or measuring big? You better go to the bathroom missy!"

So within 2 minutes we had walking from a packed waiting room into the ultrasound room, had our world completely rocked, and then left the room to go to the bathroom (me), go to the bathroom (Shaun thought he better go too!), and talk to our doctor (tech). I often wonder what that room full of people thought about all three of us storming out so quickly...

So, what do you do when you find out you are having twins?

You go out into the world, long string of black and white photos in hand, and freak out tell everyone you know! On the phone, you try to convince relatives that you really are expecting twins.

You try hard to stop shaking.

You go to Chili's to celebrate and stare at the babies', your babies' first photos.

You talk to your doctor about things for which you weren't prepared to talk about. You begin to use acronyms such as NICU, TTTS, AND IUGR. You hear the first 'odds.' You come to terms with the fact that 30% of all twins are born prior to 32 weeks gestation.

You realize that the plan you created, the one that was going exactly to schedule until this point had somehow steered way off course and was taking to through a better scenic journey than you had ever dreamed.

You realize that the wise person who said 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans' was talking about you.

You know that November 27, 2007 will be permanently etched in your soul.

And ultimately, you realize that all the worrying you had been doing, all the stress that was supposed to be relieved on this day was only doubled. Literally.

You realize that you just became aware of the biggest surprise of your life; you realize that the best thing that is ever going to happen to you in this lfetime, has been set in motion and is going to be hard.

You start to pray.

You continue to smile.

You try to breathe.

And you begin to fight.

November 27, 2007

Our Baby A and Baby B

Click here for Part 3.