Recently I found out that there is a company who takes blogs like this one and turns them into soft or hard back books. Because I really like the idea of having these day to day happenings in writing (and not just on the computer) I plan on having at done. So I'm writing a few posts about the months leading up to Gabby and Lilly so that information can be included as well. Hope you enjoy, too!
I'm not sure if my journey to motherhood began the day Shaun and I were married, the first time I held a newborn baby, or perhaps even back in elementary school when my girlfriends and I would discuss, at length, what age we would marry and how many children we would definitely have. (I mean what else do 8 years old have to discuss???) What I do know is that I have never questioned whether or not I would have children. No matter what, I wanted to be a mommy, and so the journey began...
Shaun and I got married in April of 2004. Shortly after returning from Iraq he thought we should try to have a baby. We were living in a two bedroom apartment with two dogs and enough stuff to fill a 4 bedroom house. Not to mention, I was still in college. I thought he was crazy! His idea did not fall into line with the plan I created on the playground with my friends in 4th grade. My plan went something like this: college, husband, house, kids (we all know I switched the college and husband part, but the others were non-negotiable). So I resisted and resisted and resisted until finally he gave up.
Time went on. I graduated from college in 2006 and we bought our first home in 2007. So you would think that I would have a bun in the oven immediately, right? Well, not exactly. By the time we had bought our house I had grown up a little and decided that perhaps we should get a few more financial things lined out. Afterall, in my mind I was already having a silent conflict over whether to be a stay at home mom or a working mom, something else I'd debated since grade school (crazy, but seriously true). Shaun and I wanted to be sure we were 'ready' (financially speaking) for a baby. I laugh at this thought now. Anyways, Shaun had also jumped on this wagon, too. He had turned a complete 180 and was totally against the idea. Honestly, this frustrated me to no end. I mean, yes I was saying all the right things, the same things he was about waiting and timing, etc., but everything inside me was screaming "I WANT TO BE A MOMMY!"
I refer to the summer that we bought our house as the 'recruiting' period. Basically, I ate, slept, and breathed getting pregnant...and I didn't do it silently...I was as vocal as I could be. My mission was to wear him down and I think at this point it is safe to say that I suceeded! Most people probably have a lovely, romantic-ish story about deciding to start a family. Not me. My story is the unfairy tale, fairy tale.
It should also be mentioned that during the early part of summer 2007 Shaun had been told that he would be deployed to Iraq in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom...again. While this furrowed my brow some, I generally tend to not put much faith in the military's 'plans.' The U.S. governments plans aren't near as reliable as the ones I had made years ago and so I sort of put them on the back burner to deal with at a later date...denial, some might call it.
Somewere between my begging and Shaun coming to terms with deploying and having not started a family, he finally threw up the white flag and agreed that we would try to start a family in September 2007.
While I hesitate to include this, I use the word 'try' for a reason. Because of family history, Shaun and I were next to certain we would experience a battle with infertility. Best case scenario, we would immediately coneive and the baby would be due in June 2008. The before mentioned deployment was only for 6 months so he would be home for the birth. Worst case scenario, if we didn't have any luck before he deployed, we would know to see a fertility doctor when he returned home. We had everything figured out...
October 3rd: 1st pregnancy test - not pregnant
October 4th: 2nd pregnancy test - not pregnant
October 5th: 3rd pregnancy test - Oh, boy...or girl!
When I explained the 'best case scenario' above, I didn't really ever think it would happen. Not in a million years. But, all was still okay. I was pregnant, Shaun would be home for the birth, and I was going to be a mommy!
I had it all figured out...
Click here for Part 2 (coming soon!)
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