I am more often out of energy and patience.
I am quick to see the negative.
And become easily bogged down and over-dramatic.
And, at times I chose to ignore all the blessings in my life.
Shamefully, that is how I've been the past couple of days.
Shaun has had to work really long hours. The girls have been cranky. And for every item I mark off the to-do list, three more get added. I've been feeling like I'm a hamster in a wheel. Running and going so fast, but not getting anywhere.
I truly dispise myself when I get like this. And when I am reminded of all the wonderful blessings I have to be thankful for, I am down right disturbed by my behavior.
But, I'm always brought out of my funk, And it is always interesting how God seems to remind me of the things I should be thankful for. Sometimes I snap out my wallowing after seeing my children happy or a fictitious movie with a good story line. Other times I am imspired by everyday heroes or touched by someone's struggle. But more often than not, God choses to gently remind me
Today, He took me to that place.
The girls are not feeling well. Somewhere between vaccinations, minor chicken pox (as a result of the vaccines), teething, and runny noses the girls have spiked a fever and feel downright awful. They were fussy most of the day. And in case you haven't had the chance to hold, rock, and care for two sick babies at once (who both want your undivided attention), let me just say that it is difficult at best.
But those children that are supposed to be learning from me, are giving me an education I couldn't have ever imagined. In my 'I can't take this anymore state' (and trust me, I'd be embarrassed if you actually knew how often I visit that state)and Gabby's and Lilly's awful feeling state, I received a lesson in needing.
This evening, when both girls had a 102* temperature, runny noses that could have been mistaken for faucets, and couldn't stop crying because they felt so bad, they needed me. They needed me to sing lullabies over their cries. Ask them what I could do to help. Play with their hair to help them relax. Catch pacies as they plunged to the floor. Hold them and cuddle them. They needed my chest to lay on. They needed their sister to lay next to them. They needed their sister's hand to hold.
They needed me.
They needed each other.
They reminded me that, even though they are sick, they are well. They are healthy. They are beautiful.
They reminded me that life isn't about putting up walls and keeping others out. It isn't about hunkering down and preparing for a lifetime of chicken pox and fever followed by stress and heart ache.
It is about holding your sisters hand and walking through the storm together. It is about skipping down the side walk on a sunny day, together.
It is about acknowledging the bad, praying for the good, and relying on your loved ones through it all.
It is about needing on your mom again, and again, and yet again. And one day (like today, for example) realizing why she's still okay with that.
Today, Gabby and Lilly reminded me that I can't do it all. Not even by a long shot.
I need my girls, my husband, my mom, my grandmother,
I need them to make the good times that much better, and the tough times managable.
So, after days of wallowing, tonight I am thankful...
thankful for Gabby and Lilly,
thankful for Shaun,
thankful for my mom,
thankful for the rest of my support system (which probably means you, if you are reading this),
thankful to be in need,
thankful that with age comes maturity and the acceptance of my own limitations,
thankful to have this life...
...which I screw up daily...
but can still make right, thankfully.
I mean, really? How could I not be thankful?!?
No comments:
Post a Comment