So you might remember the little ongoing saga between Shaun the frog and myself. Well it pains me to say that Shaun the frog was found floating for real tonight in our fish tank. He lived a good life I suppose. He most definitely pulled a few pranks in his day. However, I am not about to write a eulogy for Shaun the Frog. No I haven't gone crazy enough for that. What I am about to tell you is the story of Gabby, Lilly, and Parker learning about flushing a frog down the toilet. Sorta learning...
So, Gabby's chore tonight was to feed the fish and frogs. We got all the food ready, went in, fed them, and found STF (Shaun the frog) dead. Obviously I thought he was playing, but after several pokes with the net, turns out he was really, really dead. Here's how the rest of this little adventure went:
Me: Okay, I'll scoop him out and then we'll go put him in the toilet.
G & L: THE TWA-LET (because southern babies don't pronounce it quite as proper as you do)...at this point I remember all those times Shaun has secretly flushed dead fish after the kids have gone to sleep. Yes, I taught them tonight that we flush their dead pets. One of my finest mommy moments for shizzle.
Me: Yes, when a fish or frog dies we flush them down the toilet.
G & L: (laughing hysterically and just sure I am tricking them) What!?! I don't be-yieve you! Why we do dat?
Me-Well we flush them down so they can go to Heaven.
G & L: HEAVEN IS IN THE TWA-LET???
Oh damn. This is getting worse. Much worse.
Me-Well kinda, not exactly. It's like froggy Heaven.
G & L: What?!? Shaun duh frog is going to Heaven in duh twa-let?!? HAHAHAHA! (Side note: Shaun, the real one, I'm sorry that the girls picked up on the fact that I named the frog after you. Opps!)
We plop the flog into the "twa-let," holler at Parker so he doesn't go in after it and give it a good flush.
At this point Gabby and Lilly are laughing hysterically.
Parker (who was definitely the most confused of all looks at me and says): Mommy. Foggy in duh pa-wee? Mommy. Foggy in duh pa-wee. Go bye bye?...the most confused little look you've ever seen all over his face.
Oh man. What have I done???
Grammie was over tonight and so I sent the girls in their room to put on their jammies and Grammie said goodbye and left for her house. A few minutes later we are back in the bathroom going potty and brushing teeth.
Me: Gabby, get up there and go potty. (She was being super silly!)
Gabby: But Shaun duh frog was in dair! HAHAHA!
Me: Go potty!
Lilly: Where does the froggy go after we flush him?
Me: Well he goes in the pipes and a few other places and then in the water. Like a lake or ocean somewhere.
Lilly: A YAKE??? WHAT YAKE?
Me: Like maybe Nanny and Pappy's lake (Texhoma).
Gabby: POOP AND DEAD FISH GO IN DUH LAKE???
Lilly: OOOOOH! EWWWWW! (we swim in that lake)
I'm totally realizing I need to just stop with the explanations. I'm doing a terrible job here!
Me: Well no, not exactly.
Gabby: Well why did you say dat?
Parker: Mommy, foggy go in duh yake? Nan Pappy yake?
Me: Well it does go in the lake---
Gabby, interrupting me: Well which is it? Is the lake full of dead froggies and fish? Do we sim wif dat???
Parker: Mommy, foggy in duh pa-wee. Go to duh yake. Nan Pappy yake? Simmin'?
OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!
My dearest husband, whatever you may be doing right now, I totally understand the reason why you told me that you did not think it was a good idea to take advantage of a fish-dead-teachable-moment. YOU WERE SO RIGHT! Perhaps the most right you've ever been. I'm going to hope GLP don't remember this in the morning, but since it is likely to come up every.single.time. any of them go to the "twa-let," please know that I'm going to tell them to ask you about it when you get home. Seeing as how I've undone every last thing we spent 5 years teaching them about death, burial, Heaven, God, and the lake we visit often, I think I best stop here. Maybe you can salvage something. Otherwise, except lots of looks at A) church when our children tell others that you get to Heaven via the "twa-let" and B) the lake when we expect them to jump in with all the dead fish, frogs, and poop.
Whew! This parenting thing isn't for the faint at heart!
So, Gabby's chore tonight was to feed the fish and frogs. We got all the food ready, went in, fed them, and found STF (Shaun the frog) dead. Obviously I thought he was playing, but after several pokes with the net, turns out he was really, really dead. Here's how the rest of this little adventure went:
Me: Okay, I'll scoop him out and then we'll go put him in the toilet.
G & L: THE TWA-LET (because southern babies don't pronounce it quite as proper as you do)...at this point I remember all those times Shaun has secretly flushed dead fish after the kids have gone to sleep. Yes, I taught them tonight that we flush their dead pets. One of my finest mommy moments for shizzle.
Me: Yes, when a fish or frog dies we flush them down the toilet.
G & L: (laughing hysterically and just sure I am tricking them) What!?! I don't be-yieve you! Why we do dat?
Me-Well we flush them down so they can go to Heaven.
G & L: HEAVEN IS IN THE TWA-LET???
Oh damn. This is getting worse. Much worse.
Me-Well kinda, not exactly. It's like froggy Heaven.
G & L: What?!? Shaun duh frog is going to Heaven in duh twa-let?!? HAHAHAHA! (Side note: Shaun, the real one, I'm sorry that the girls picked up on the fact that I named the frog after you. Opps!)
We plop the flog into the "twa-let," holler at Parker so he doesn't go in after it and give it a good flush.
At this point Gabby and Lilly are laughing hysterically.
Parker (who was definitely the most confused of all looks at me and says): Mommy. Foggy in duh pa-wee? Mommy. Foggy in duh pa-wee. Go bye bye?...the most confused little look you've ever seen all over his face.
Oh man. What have I done???
Grammie was over tonight and so I sent the girls in their room to put on their jammies and Grammie said goodbye and left for her house. A few minutes later we are back in the bathroom going potty and brushing teeth.
Me: Gabby, get up there and go potty. (She was being super silly!)
Gabby: But Shaun duh frog was in dair! HAHAHA!
Me: Go potty!
Lilly: Where does the froggy go after we flush him?
Me: Well he goes in the pipes and a few other places and then in the water. Like a lake or ocean somewhere.
Lilly: A YAKE??? WHAT YAKE?
Me: Like maybe Nanny and Pappy's lake (Texhoma).
Gabby: POOP AND DEAD FISH GO IN DUH LAKE???
Lilly: OOOOOH! EWWWWW! (we swim in that lake)
I'm totally realizing I need to just stop with the explanations. I'm doing a terrible job here!
Me: Well no, not exactly.
Gabby: Well why did you say dat?
Parker: Mommy, foggy go in duh yake? Nan Pappy yake?
Me: Well it does go in the lake---
Gabby, interrupting me: Well which is it? Is the lake full of dead froggies and fish? Do we sim wif dat???
Parker: Mommy, foggy in duh pa-wee. Go to duh yake. Nan Pappy yake? Simmin'?
OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!
My dearest husband, whatever you may be doing right now, I totally understand the reason why you told me that you did not think it was a good idea to take advantage of a fish-dead-teachable-moment. YOU WERE SO RIGHT! Perhaps the most right you've ever been. I'm going to hope GLP don't remember this in the morning, but since it is likely to come up every.single.time. any of them go to the "twa-let," please know that I'm going to tell them to ask you about it when you get home. Seeing as how I've undone every last thing we spent 5 years teaching them about death, burial, Heaven, God, and the lake we visit often, I think I best stop here. Maybe you can salvage something. Otherwise, except lots of looks at A) church when our children tell others that you get to Heaven via the "twa-let" and B) the lake when we expect them to jump in with all the dead fish, frogs, and poop.
Whew! This parenting thing isn't for the faint at heart!
No comments:
Post a Comment