Locked and Loaded

In the name of honesty (and sanity)...

So I planned to sit and blog for a while tonight. However, the events of the day left me less than enthusied. I supposed you could say that all day long I went from a little sad to a little angry to a little indifferent. Add that concoction mixed with my current lack of sleep (Parker is a good sleeper, but I just need uninterrupted sleep to really get ahead) and I'm a recipe for a sour puss. Given that, I had decided not to write tonight. Seeing as how I don't really have anything bubbly or honestly even pleasant to say, I decided not to. That being said, getting what's on the inside out really helps me. Its almost like once its written, I can get over whatever issues I'm dealing with. So, like I said, in the name of honesty, sanity, and overcoming...here goes. Oh, and I make no apologies for my feelings or thoughts. However right or wrong, they are mine and anyone's like or dislike does not change how I feel.

Okay, so I have two issues tonight.What is it with people these days?!? Not all people, just some. Since when did the word family become a four letter word, something better to be avoided than embraced? Also, since when is it acceptable to treat some children differently than others? I bet your wondering what exactly happened to make me ask this. I'll tackle the children thing tonight.

So, its no secret that I have twins. And according to literally every single person I talk to they are adorable (I obviously think so too, but I'd think that no matter what). And I get that there is something very special and unique about have twins, identical no doubt. And I know it probably ups the anty when they happen to be beautiful (other's words too, not just mine) and the first born. I get it. I get that when they were first born and for many times during their first three years, they have literally been God's gift to some people in my family (obviously they have been to us). What I don't get, and let me take some deep breathes for fear of absolutely yelling through a computer screen, is people treating and behaving differently when it comes to my one, singular baby boy.


I don't wish to name names or anything like that, but things have been very different when it comes to my sweet Parker. People who in my opinion are absolutely obligated to show they care for and love Parker to the same extent they do Gabby and Lilly simply aren't. As his mother, I'm heartbroken for him and, if I'm being honest, me.

He hasn't gotten time like my girls did, nor gifts, nor acknowledgement. And before anyone reading this thinks I'm out for gifts (because trust me I have plenty of family who think that is my sole motivation in life), that is not the case. When someone gives a gift I think they actually give two gifts. One is the actual thing. The other is the gift of thought, care, and love behind it. So when I say Parker hasn't received any 'gifts' believe me when I say that I don't care if he was given a singlur sock without a match. If it was given with thought, love, and care, it would mean so much. Perhaps I should say that Parker hasn't received time or gifts of thought, care, or love as a newborn that Gabby and Lilly did. I can't even write about this without crying because I just don't understand.

Do people not think he's as special because he's only one baby? He's a boy? He's our third baby? Or, what's more likely, are some just so wrapped up in themselves that they don't even see beyond the end of their own nose?

My Parker is ever bit as special as my girls. When you hold him, he balls up his whole body and just cuddles up to you. When you talk to him, he smiles ear to ear and has the sweetest deep dimple. When he sleeps, he makes the loudest little grunting noises which I already know I'm going to have to apologize to his future wife for. When he sees his sisters, he just watches in amazement. When you put your cheek to his and talk, he is instantly soothed. There are a million itty bitty things about Parker that make him special and unique.

No, he doesn't have a twin. His sweetness wasn't divided.

No, he isn't a girl. He's an adorable, dark headed, blue eyed sweet baby boy.

And no, he isn't my first baby. He's my third. The one God blessed us with to make our family complete. The one I really, desperately wanted so bad it hurt. A son to share Daddy's name and steal Mommy's heart.

So, even though the reality that some haven't partaken in Parker's life like they have Gabby and Lilly's is very hard to accept, deep down I know it has absolutely nothing to do with my baby. My sweet son has nothing to do with another person's selfishness. My blue-eyed baby can't control other's indecisiveness regarding their care for their family. And my third blessing is no more or less wonderful because of idiots people he happens to be related to. As with any sweet child, Parker is and will always be nothing less than a blessing to anyone who knows him. And for those who choose everything else in the world above him, above family, its your loss. He won't ever know any different, but I can promise his Momma won't forget.