Why Mess is a Must

If you've been hanging around these parts often you may have noticed that we at The Trouble with Twins have an affinity for mess. Remember this and this and this?

And while I'm sure many of you reading this believe I'm out of my mind for allowing my children to make such a mess, I couldn't disagree more. In fact, in my opinion, mess is a must!

The older I am and the more life experiences I have, the more I learn about myself and the reasons behind my parenting. You see, prior to starting my new job I allowed my children to be messy because I believed (and still do) that being messy and having sensory experiences is necessary for cognitive and emotional development during childhood (plus it is like seriously fun). And, at the risk of sounding full of myself, I'm exactly right. It has been researched and found to be true and accurate. However, it is only recently that I started thinking a little more about why I allow my children to dye Easter eggs without gloves, play in water and sand reguarly, and help me cook in the kitchen.

You see, as life would have it I have encountered many people lately who 'don't do mess.' Those are their words, not mine. These are people who have children ages 3 to 6 or so, the prime mess years, if you will. So, when I plan messy activities and just laugh at the chaos and fun that ensues, they tend to look at me like I'm nuts. Which got me thinking. Am I nuts? Am I one of those parents that, with the goal of raising autonomous children who aren't afraid of taking risks, overlooks the necessity of creating boundaries and therefore is doomed with children who will one day shortly run a muck?

Some days I think that might be the case.

However, with each mess my children explore and learn from, my convictions grow stronger and stronger that when it comes to childhood, mess is a must.

Mess to me means painting, coloring with real markers, dyeing Easter eggs using your hands, playing in water and sand and then water again, digging in the dirt, kneading bread dough, and decorating cookies.

And while all those things are super fun for children (you nay sayers out there must trust me on this one), there is more value to mess than fun.

You see, during life we are constantly making messes. As teenagers, we mess up our friendships, tests we take, and trust others have in us. As adults we mess up our houses, our relationships, our finances. Life is constantly a scenario of making a mess and then cleaning it up. Getting in over your head and working your way out.

So my question then is, if children have parents who 'don't do mess' (and by that they mean I don't allow my children to do mess) when is it exactly that they learn the value of getting into a mess and then getting out of it?

Do I believe that a messy paint activity is a parallel for a broken relationship? Absolutely.

Do I believe sticky fingers that result from kneading gooey dough is synonymous with overwhelming debt? Absolutely.

I believe that when a child makes a mess, whether it be a planned project or an extravagant, spontaneous crayon mural on a not-so-appropriate media (uh-mmm, like a recent wall Miss Gabby Lou created) they are actively learning. They are learning about the fun of it, taking in the unique smell of Tempera paint, thinking about why the bristles fray out the harder you press on the paper. They are learning about the joy of being creative, the freedom it carries, and finding comfort in taking a risk. They learn to treasure and find value in art, that Mommy and Dada have pride and also find value in their art, which ultimately means they must find value in the artist. And, if a parent makes a painting project not only about the creative part, but also about the responsbility part, children learn about cleaning up. They learn that a wet rag glides smoothly over a hard table. That water and gentle soap somehow turn the water colors as it washes down the drain. They learn that having fun is wonderful, but taking care of your materials is a must as well.

Do I believe children are taking all of that in to various degrees at very young ages? If parents allow it, absolutely.

So, what about the child who created the beautiful wall mural?

Well, I'm certain that child learns about the way the crayon bumps in their little hands as it passes over the wall texture, and the way it turns upward with the twist of the wrist. They learn about the sudden guilt they feel because of the wrong they have done and learn a bit about weighing out whether the joy of the discretion is worth the punishment soon to follow. They learn that Mommy most certainly does discipline for extravagant, spontaneous crayon wall murals. And that a wet rag feels cold in a tiny little hand. That is bumps along the wall the same, and makes they crayon disappear in a flash. They learn that even though they did wrong, it was somewhat enjoyable. And that next time they might have to consider the punishment before committing the crime. They learn that while the mess resulted in a punishment and having to fix the situation, everything was okay in the end. And that messes aren't the end of the world. They don't end in others hating or becoming indifferent. They just require a little elbow grease and an apology.

So, do I buy into all of that. Well, obviously.

And did I make Gabby clean the wall and the window sill and the tile and the table ? Absolutely.

During childhood, mess is a must because it creates an opportunity for children to learn valuable life skills. Skills such as taking risks, responsibility, expectations, team work, following through, righting wrongs, and hard work.

So, my question to you...

What are you waiting for?

Are you willing to get up off your boo-tay and get into a mess with your children? You just might have a few laughs and a little fun along the way.

As for me...well I've got some 'derrrr cate' to make with G & L, complete with worms and all!

(Any guesses on what derrrr cate is???)