Gabby's Godmother

On Valentines Day of this year, Gabby's sweet godmother passed away. Her godmother was Trisha, my sister in law and husband's sister. I've always felt like those short snipits in the newspaper obituaries about a person's life don't do the grieved or grieving any justice. So, if you'll be patient with me, I'd like to share with you a little about our Trisha.

Trisha was a leader, teacher, creater, caretaker, keeper of family traditions, advocate, volunteer, Believer, over-achiever, competitor, hardworking, self-less woman. She was a beloved mother, daughter, granddaughter, wife, aunt, niece, sister-in-law, cousin, godmother, and friend.

In comparison to the rest of my husband's family and friends, I've known Trisha a short amount of time. We met about six years ago and, if I'm being honest, were not close until her youngest child and my twins were born close together. But, as is the case with any true friend, our friendship transcended days and months on a calendar and six years of being sister-in-laws felt like a lifetime of being friends. She was the type of friend I laughed, cried, gossiped, shopped, vacationed, and talked all things mommy with. She knew just what to say to lift my spirits and just what to say when I needed a reality check. Our friendship was the type that could be picked up at anytime or any place.

Just recently, she and I had been playing phone tag. We had been leaving messages promising to call this day or that day for almost a month. Last Thursday I called her late in the evening and, seeing as how we hadn't spoken in a month and both of us blessed with long-windedness, it should come as no suprise that our conversation lasted until my cell phone battery died, until my husband's cell phone cut us off (after she called his phone), and continued on until her cell phone finally gave out. When we ended our conversation it was 12:30am my time, and 1:30am where she was. She was that kind of sister-in-law, that kind of friend.

But, as many of you reading this know, being a friend wasn't what Gabby's godmother was best at. Trisha was best when she was being a mommy. Jordan Shelby entered her life 7 years ago and was followed by the cutest, orneriest little boy, Owen Hayden, 4 years later. To say that Trisha doted on her children would be the biggest understatement. She adored them. She would, and did, do everything for her children. She wasn't one of those moms that cared about messes or exhausting outings. She didn't care about schedules or plans. She cared that her children experience and live life to the fullest.

We spent a week with her and the kids at our home last Thanksgiving. I saw her cuddle, snuggle, play in sand, write with chalk, console, discipline, and spend time with her kids. I've been all over a couple states with Trisha, taken our children on many fun outings, and experienced a veteran mother in action as I, quite a rookie mom, took notes and attempted to follow along. And while the tragic nature of her death brings with it an excruciating sting, it seems fitting that Gabby's godmother, a real mother herself, would leave this world going down a snowy slope, showing her children a good time, and ultimately protecting her child up until her last breath.

Trisha was one of those people who didn't just sit back and take life in. She ran after life and lived it to the fullest and, while she did experience criticism, some coming from me, about going and doing so much, strong as ever, she planned her days, planned experiences for her children, and LIVED! During last year she had taken trips to New York City, Disney World Florida, Oklahoma City, and many places close to her home town of Erie.

When people said she didn't have time or lacked the money to vacation in Florida, she went. And when she got a hair-brained idea to drive across the country with her children to visit her little brother in Oklahoma City, she went. You see, Trisha knew what was best for her and her children. She knew when they needed a get away, knew when they needed a break from reality, and while others may have backed out of such trips at the first sign of criticism, she was confident. She was sure in herself and her decisions. And in hindsight, while there were only 33 years in her life, there was a lifetime in her 33 years.

Gabby's godmother was one of the least selfish persons I know. Don't get me wrong. She enjoyed attention and probably wouldn't mind all the fuss surrouding her at the moment. But more than loving herself, she loved others. As I left my house yesterday to travel to Pennsylvania, I checked the mail. And, as I had suspected, there were two cards from Aunt Trisha to Gabby and Lilly. I knew they were probably on their way. You see, timeliness wasn't one of Trisha's strongest traits. :) She always helped us celebrate holidays and birthdays long after the actual date. I can say this because I am the same way. But, nonetheless there they were. Two different 'niece' Valentines and a Family Fun magazine Trisha purchased for me for my birthday. But, for all the cards and gifts she made and sent, that is only the beginning of the things she did for others. She mowed lawns, watched children, make cakes, helped at her daughter's school, made meals, and did many other things for others. And she did it with a smile on her face and living by a creed I heard her say many times: "Family is everything."

As the news of her death slowly sets in and the irony of the day she left this world to meet her Maker becomes clear, I find myself both smiling and fighting back tears. You see, Trisha loved holidays. She loved holidays so much that she celebrated holidays I never even knew existed before meeting her. Christmas in July, The Sweetest Day...it wouldn't surprise me if Trisha organized her own Chinese New Years Parade in Erie! You name a holiday, she had a celebration or tradition to go along with it. So while the sting or her death and the fact that she left this Earth on Valentines Day is excrutiating, in an odd way, it seems fitting. And I'm not certain, but I think Trisha, the best example I know of loving others unconditionally, might be smiling at the fact that she left this world on the one calendar day that love is abundant.

We as humans are flawed. As Believers we know that all things happen for a reason, in God's time. As fragile humans, we beg to understand and comprehend such a great loss. I've told myself a million times that Trisha is in a better place. That she was needed more in Heaven than she was on Earth. But, if I'm being honest, while my brain knows these things are truth, my heart is screaming in defiance. I can't imagine Trisha's Heaven being better than her Earth. Nor can I imagine that anyone needs her more than her children. All the questions are void of any answers and very little hope. Why her? Why now?

She was good and she was needed. And as my search for answers continues, I am reminded of many conversations with Trisha when I would be worried or concerned about something going on in life. She would talk with me and help give me perspective. And, as the conversations grew to a close, she would always end by saying, "You know Kristy, you just gotta have faith that things happen for a reason and that everything will be okay."

So, big sis, I am trying to follow your lead. I know 'why' will never be answered in this lifetime. But I know and believe that while impossibly unimaginable now, God's timing is always perfect and His will is always done. I think Trisha might have felt the same. Gabby's godmother was a woman of faith and believed in a powerful, loving God. Of that I am sure.

So, Trisha, sweet godmother to Gabby, if you happen by an Internet Cafe in the Kingdom of Heaven and happen to read this (and of course you will because you loved seeing your nieces), know that you will never be forgotten. You loved and cared for us enough in the 27, 6, and 2 years we knew you to last a lifetime. And I know that you are looking over all of us. Our own Trisha angel. So I will remember your smile, your infectious laughter, and your tight embrace. I can see you now, in Heaven, flying with your dad, meeting the baby you lost for the first time, and caring for all the children of Heaven with Earth dwelling mothers. And for now, until I can see you again, that is enough for me.

Trisha Lynn Lewis

June 27, 1976 - February 14, 2010