Now that's in the open, let's get down to business. Recently I was a guest blogger for the website, Multiples and More. You can find my interview here. It is a website devoted to parents and children of multiple births. They have stories from mothers, fathers, product reviews, giveaway, etc. You name it, if it is about multiples, it is there! Anyway, one of the things I was asked was 'What question do you have for other parents of multiples?' Well, if you are reading this you probably know that I'm a little on the long winded side so the thought of asking just one question was hard. I mean, I have a dictionary of questions for other parents of multiples. In fact, its probably more like an encyclopedia by now. So, after thinking and thinking and thinking of a question to ask, I decided that was impossible and, since I was doing the interview, I could break the rules and ask many questions so long as I stuck to one topic. Ah, rationalization is so useful...
The topic: dum, duh, dum, dum dum...more children.
Ah, yes. The best and most feared question this mother of multiples thinks about.
Before I had kids I used to say that I wanted two or maybe three kids. In fact, when I was in elementary school and would play Mash, I actually told my friends that I wanted two kids unless I had twins and then I definitely wanted three. Hmm. I only have two thoughts about that: one, is it possible people know what lies ahead if they listen to intuition and two, I wish I had the certainty now that I had then! :)
I assume that all parents, whether of multiples or not, have discussions about whether or not to add to their brood. And, if I'm being honest, if I was a mother of a singleton, I would be pregnant now (or I would have been trying for a while anyways). But having twins first makes the issue of more children so much bigger to me. I have so many questions...
Could I possibly love another baby as much as Gabby and Lilly?
Is another sibling in the best interest of the two children I have?
Would things be okay financially speaking if we had another baby (or, perhaps twins again...)?
When is the right time?
Is is best for my kids to be three years apart? Or, if I wait four then I won't have three kids in college at once?
What if we decide not to have more kids?
Is it possible that I could be satisfied only being pregnant once and completing my family at the age of 24?
Could I handle never feeling a baby kick inside my belly again?
Could I handle the joys of pregnancy like swelling, carple tunnel, sleepless nights, and awful protein drinking again?
How would a manage a baby, two toddlers, a business, a job, husband...?
Do you see what I mean? I'm sure these are normal questions that anyone asks themselves, but I just can't seem to come up with answers. I mean, how do you decide something so monumental as this? (If you haven't guessed already, I'm a planner, and bringing children into the world is sort of a monumental decision!).
So, after lots and lots of thinking and discussion and some more thinking, I believe God Himself entered my conversation and in a very Godly way said:
Um, excuse me. Do you not remember what all of your planning lead to the first time you decided to have a baby?
Do you not remember how I reminded you Who was in control?
Did you not learn to have the faith you (rather quietly) proclaim?
And with that, I decided to do a little mental spring cleaning and not think/talk/decide/stress/wonder about the possibility of another child
"How wonderful!" says the free spirit, slowly being squelched to death inside me.
"How awful!" says the type A, control freak that usually runs rampant in my head.
Oh dear...what's a girl to do?
Oops, I just thought/talked/decided/stressed/wondered about this again. I told you I wouldn't be any good at this!
Any thoughts? This mother of multiples, non-preggers mama lion needs help!
wow...i too struggled with this when my girls were little. i also played MASH and said that I wanted 2-3 kids. when i had twins, i felt like i was cheated out of a pregnancy. (my girls were 30 weekers) When they were 18 months i convinced my husband to not really try, but not prevent. two months later we were expecting a singleton. i understand your fears and commend you for being so cautious! What is in your heart? to be honest, i would wait until you get to the point where even if you did have twins again, you know you would be able to handle it. i now have 2.5 year old twins and a 3 month old...the twins do GREAT. they can entertain themselves and they are a great help with the little one. GOOD LUCK! i hope i was a little help! :)
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It saddens me that I won't be having any more, but we lost twins before this set and this set started out as triplets (all naturally occurring)... and I battled pre-eclampsia, which would likely show up with future pregnancies. It's just not worth the risk for us, but I say go for it! I've heard that 1 after 2 is a piece of cake! I'd love to experience pregnancy again, but luckily my twin sister is PG with #4, so I can always borrow babies from her!
ReplyDeleteWell...I had a singleton before my twins, so I'm all set! I do mourn the fact that I will never be pregnant again or have another baby, but it just makes me try to enjoy my kids as much as I can in the moment.
ReplyDeleteI do think having three children will be a lot of fun. Raising a singleton is completely different from raising multiples. And I think the dynamic between the three of them will be interesting to watch.
Like Sarah, we had our son before having our twin daughters and are finished now. We had always said we wanted four kids but after having our twin girls, and at 29 weeks on top of that, we are definitely done. I at times feel cheated out of another child because of our dreams of a bigger family but am amazed out how our family has grown in the course of year!
ReplyDeleteI think you will have it easier (if you have just one baby this time) going from two to three, rather than us going from one to three. Our son is just 22 months older than our girls, they would have been exactly 2 years apart had they been born on their actual due date, and for him it's been a struggle at times. He has done amazingly better than I expected, but I know he has had to go through an enormous amount of change starting from the time I was put on bedrest, to us dealing with the NICU, and then bringing home his sisters.
When you ask the question of loving another baby like you love your twins...you will 100% love this baby like you love your girls. There is no doubt about that.
And I think every husband and wife question whether or not to add to their family, if it's your first kid, third kid, or 10th kid...but of course when you've already have multiples, the question is more unsure because of the unknown I think.
Sorry for all of my rambling, but I hope some of it helps you in making a decision...a BIG decision! Good luck in whatever road you decide to take!
For some reason my comment didn't post so I will post it again..sorry if it is redundant and it ends up posting in a few minutes..basically, I could have written your post...thanks for sharing it. I am asking myself the SAME exact questions and coming to the same conclusions. I can plan and plan as much as I want but in the end it is not really up to me. I am in the same boat too since my twins are my first as well. Thanks for sharing your heart. Unfortunately I don't have anything to help you with as I am truly dealing with the SAME issue and thoughts. Can't wait to hear what happens!
ReplyDeleteI would have loved to have had another baby. But with 4 the first time around I just didn't have the guts to go there. When I turned 40 I decided it was time to go ahead and give up that idea all together. Plus, I decided that since my kids had gotten old enough to get their own breakfast on Saturday morning and I could stay in bed a little longer, there was no turning back. lol I have since come to realize that I LOVE having a baby in the house and the good Lord gave me 4 at once because he knew that I would otherwise keep having babies until I was like the Duggars. lol
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