Well, I get asked that question a lot. It probably has something to do with having two babies at once...who knows.
What I do know is that I have no idea how I 'do it.' I guess no one informed me that a 'don't do it' option existed so I 'do it' as best as I can.
I also know that I do not have time 'to do' whatever 'it' is. I make time to 'do it.' I make time to be the best mommy I can be, I make time for myself, I make time for others, and I make time to write about it. Does anyone ever really find time? If so, please let me know where I can get me some!
So, when I realize all that I have going on (and the possibility of even more on the horizon) I know that I need to take some things off my plate. I suppose blogging would be a quick solution, but when I sat and thought about not keeping this site, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I suppose I am continuing to make time to keep a history of our family because I have to.
You see, I used to be a scrapbooker. Emphasis on used. And while the thought of scrapbooking all the memories we are making sounds wonderful, the reality is impossible. The only scrapbook I've ever finished is my engagment and wedding reception album. So, seeing as how those things occured in 2004 and 2005, I'm near 'bouts 5 years behind, with no hope of catching up.
Ah, enter blogging.
When the girls were a few months old I created an online scrapbook so that family and friends could keep in touch. A couple friends of mine had created ones for their kiddos and I thought it was a great idea. I did that for about 9 months. During that time I happened upon a few blogs (like the one your reading from yours truly) and saw how much more creative they were.
So, starting in July I stopped updating our scrapbook and started this site. Initially, I started using blogger as a means to communicate with long distance relatives so that they could hopefully feel included in our lives. And, I should mention, that is still my main goal.
But, as time has gone on blogging has almost become a living history that I am trying to write for my girls. I have talked with twin mommy after twin mommy, most of which have older twins, who, when they find out how young the girls are, they'll say to me, "Oh, it'll get easier. Besides you won't remember anything for the first three years anyway." They say it as if it is a good thing. To me, that sounds awful! I couldn't imagine not remembering this time with the girls. So, I probably over compensate and write about too much, but I want to remember this time of our life. And I want the girls to know where they came from and what their life was like.
Here's when it gets tricky. You see, when I only put pictures and stories up about our wonderful days, life, events (the stuff someone would include in a real scrapbook), I started feeling totally fake. I mean, our life is great. But it is also crazy, chaotic, falling apart at times, and completely overwhelming. It became really hard to paint this nicey nice picture...especially on those days when I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs GET ME OUTTA HERE! I never want to paint an inaccurate picture of what our life is like. It is real good at times. It is real bad at times. And all of that is what makes our family what it is. So...
Enter blogging about some serious issues...
Once I allowed myself to hi-jack my own blog and talk about mommy things, life things, and other ugly topics (in addition to the beautiful topics like my pretty girlies), it was so liberating! Aside from during my pregnancy, I've never been one for keeping a written journal. I get seriously bored with writing by hand and have never had much interest. But typing is a completely different story. I have worked through so many things by writing on this blog. For example, I don't think I ever dealt with how scary my whole pregnancy was until I wrote about it here. In fact, it took me so long to finish it up because I was purposefully avoiding it, not wanting to have another break down.
In addition to enjoying writing and working through things, I've received some comments from other MoMs about how they can relate and prompted some other people to write about similar things on their blogs. It is a little overwhelming to know that there are a couple 'strangers' out there who relate to me, but if by being honest I help another MoM out, then I will take the responsibility.
I do this because I'm writing history. Our history...
because I want our distant (in miles) family to feel close (at heart)...
because some days writing is the only thing that gets me through...
and because apparently there are a few people out there who read what I write.
Oh, I've also found a website that lets you turn your blog into a real book...can you say scrapbook?!? So I figure I'm killing two birds with one stone and that puts a smile on any busy mom's face!
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This is actually the reason I started writing. I have never really kept a journal for very long, but I knew that in the middle of the NICU-anxiety, I would forget so many things. I wanted to capture it all and be able to remember it later..
ReplyDeleteYou put it very well.
By reading other twin and preemie blogs, I can see what others have gone through, the joys, the trials, and find some hope, comfort and laughter.
Keeps you sane, as you said.