Hello girls. It's Mommy and we need to talk. There is a lot of craziness going on at our house (and all over town) and it just has to stop. Here are new rules for our house. Yes, I know you had no say in them, but today is about Mommy and I would really be thankful if you could cooperate.
Rule #1: You will no longer show any interest in dog poop. You will not try to pick it up and under no circumstance will you ever try to eat it. That is disgusting and my girls have better manners than that.
Rule #2: When you try to escape during a diaper change, you will understand why Mommy doesn't let you go streaking. Mommy is tired of cleaning up pee-pee accidents so it is either the diaper or the potty. You are not dogs and, because you are well behaved chidren, you will not escape and tinkle on the floor.
Rule #3: Lilly, you will not climb on the furniture. However, if you do get on said furniture, you will not attempt to run, jump, or roll around. You will sit on your bottom like the little darling girl you are.
Rule #4: Gabby, you will be more understanding when Mommy has to take something from you or move you somewhere else. You will not tense every muscle in your body, kick your legs, or scream. And even though Mommy might laugh at this behavior, you will not catch on or be reinforced by Mommy's bad reaction.
Rule #5: When Mommy is giving you a bath, you will be the sweet, timid children I know you are. Lilly, you will not try to pinch Gabby's cute little hiney birth mark off. Gabby, you will not be curious about Lilly's hiney crack. Only children who don't understand pain or boundaries engage in those behaviors and you are most certainly not like that.
That is all for now girls. I think that if we could just follow these simply rules our days would be much more carefree and much less gross, whiney, and exhausting.
Love,
Mommy
this post is hilarious!! write more, write more! lindsay r.
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